Selamat Hari Raya!!

i have 2 things to tell today.

1. The month of Ramadhan is done and Syawal came so it is time for all those joyous food galore that i've missed for the past 2 years. anyway, i've posted my Raya message here at http://www.weareusedtape.com so do check it out.

2. When i was taking out my money from the bank this afternoon, a Singh came up to me and just approached and said "you're gonna be a lucky and happy man." suddenly out of the blue came this man. at first i actually thought he was a salesman or any kind of the illegal shit that's been going around but instead, he just said, "you'll be happy next year and have a lot of money. i can see it in your face that you'll be happy, but now you're not". i stopped. shocked. suprised. he did caught me there, so after all those words he then tells me he's a holy man who studies hororscopes. he asked me to sit down with him and let him tell me my future. i reluctantly did.

He made me promise not to tell anyone what he told me, but i do have to mentioned this.

He writes all my future on this piece of paper where i wrote down my name. He then wrote somethin in the other paper and put this paper into my palm and closed my hand. He then said something about my future and after 5 minutes, he then asked me " whats your favourite color?". i told him blue. He then wrote down this numbers 1 2 3 4 5 and asked me to pick this numbers. i chose 3.

he then told me something about the blue colour that unfortunately i didnt remember what it was and the number 3 is my children that ill have.

then he asked me to open the piece of paper that i was holding. i opened it and it wrote " BLUE, LOVE - 3 "

im not sure if he had psychic powers or anythin, but after that, whatever he told me, i believed him. i HOPE what he tells me is true.

as much as all this remains a hocus pocus and that i had to pay him money, and quite a lot (i kinda thought it was a bit of a scam) but i pray to God that whatever he told me was true and i do want the things he mentioned.

maybe that's what we all need, a fortune teller.

gnight and have a good raya!

note

i do not regret for what's in the past for the past made me who i am now.

500 days of summer

coincidence or meant to be?

Video Blog 02

Video Blog 2 from latifrizal baharein on Vimeo.

whenever i feel unhappy...

....i watch your video messages.

The truth.

people might think that i'm ok,...when i'm actually not.

the truth is, depress is an understatement. always keeping my sanity in check. only words of "keep your heart close to the ground" from the song soldier on, pulls me back into reality. i understand, life is hard and you just have to suck it in, but let me tell u in a little secret about me.

1. I have an impossible mother who always talk bad about you every single fukin time. Its miserable. To even try to make her understand what she had done, is just pointless. i've already come to terms accepting that she is just going to be that way. i'm not just exaggerating when i say, it's fuct up with some of the things she say. now i know why i get too defensive.

2. Going through this break up. It's gut wrenching just enduring another break up. I've been good, i've been loyal, i've cared. It hurts coz we were HAPPY. I saw her sleep every morning after work. I make the bed after we sleep in it. I kiss her forehead every morning. fuck me. fuck ME!

I cant accept the fact that after all the torrid things after the break up that she did, i still love her and i miss her so fukin much. Missing her was the only thing i did. After wanting to be reunited after 3 months apart, IT's UNFAIR, and where the fuck is the justice of all the GOOD? Seeing you huggin someone that night after u told me u have ur boundaries, is still a picture in my innocent head.

The 2 most important people in my life, just couldnt care less and if im gone, i dont think they'd even care. somehow it seems that, theres a missing dagger in my heart stabbing me slowly. I'm falling into pieces, and here i am, alone in my room, saying this all to u, that i was happy once! and that was when im with her.

If only God listens,
i'd only wish for one.

...that all of this is a nightmare and i'd wake up with u beside me. i'd make it up, i'll still give u morning kisses, hugga u every night, keep u warm, hold u tight. i'd make it so clear to u, that ur the only person in my life, the only love i want to have and make u feel ur the most important person in the world.

GOD, Please just take me away, for this is how i feel. I'm down, depressed, and i tried to be happy, but no. The word "things happen for a reason" is like a vaguely interpretation of "im saying this just to make u feel better".

honestly, i really just want to pack, leave, somewhere no one knows where i'd be. but i have my obligations to my partners, and my promise to make it happen. I just wished someone would notice, and talk to me about my problems, cause i know, i'd just breakdown and cry.

n.

exhale

there's a very thin line between sanity and insanity.